FORGET IT!

I’m getting the hang of it…this taking responsibility for my actions et cetera, et cetera. Its the least I can do. When you are 28 and starting to think that you have laid waste all the days of your life, you tend to have moments that are not so sweet on you. I never thought there would come a day when I loathed feeling sorry for myself and had no time to hear my own whining. But it is here.

I am learning and embracing the fact that everything that has happened to me and may be about to happen is a result of my own actions good or bad. And no matter how someone is treating me, I have the responsibility to react in a way that will not have me crying my eyes out for days. It does not matter what anyone has done to me in this lifetime. What have I done to me? What have I let myself do, become and see to get me here?

No one stood against the exam paper door so that I could not break the codes, no one barred the university gate. No one told me to act like I was above my own father and no one said sex had no consequences. No one. I believed what I believed, did what I did and in everything I do or believe there-in lays my prize.

It is high time this happened to me. High time I started to see that life is not in the clouds but on this solid ground. What I want is not what I will always get unless I let it become so in its own time. Enough of blaming the moonlight for the tide, enough of saying the sea is too wide. I am alive to prove every thing wrong and my life right.

I am alive for a reason and a purpose and I am responsible for those. It doesn't matter what happens, happened or is happening en route to that place. My reaction, my ability to learn and change accordingly is what matters. Each little thing comes to teach us a lesson. To show us who we are and what we are going to lose if we continue acting a certain way.

Don’t go around blaming someone for causing your death, anger or regret. You do things that give you what you get. You made friends with that not very nice person, do you blame them for taking your man? You let your fantasies cloud reality are you shocked to be left in soaking hard mud?

Forget your sob stories about how no one ever listened to you or cared about you or met your wants. We get what we give.

Cry me a river over the child you denied life, cry me an ocean over the one that is alive. Tell me how its Bobby that wont meet his end of the deal but Bobby isn’t the rest of your life. He may have been love and passions fulfilled. But success, health, maturity, joy, peace, responsibility and motherhood all those lay in your court.

Don’t come to me feeling sorry for you. Come tell me what you do not like about yourself and why you think certain things are not working as well as you thought they might and I will see what I can do. For I have learned it is better to be hard on yourself than to cry over what you think are Jake’s mistakes. Did he tell u he doesn’t like who he is? Do you honestly think your tears and complaint can change an entire human being? An entire destiny? Really?

Then how come you are drowning in your own lake?